lol! Funny Quotes!

Don't knock on death's door. Ring the doorbell and run. He hates that!

lolz

"Your toast has been burnt, and no amount of scraping will remove the black stuff!"

Good quotes I've found:

The man who smiles when things go wrong has thought of someone to blame it on. - Robert Bloch

Time is a great teacher, but unfortunately it kills all its pupils ... - Louis Hector Berlioz



Men are like parking spots, the good ones are taken and the free ones are handicapped.
( XD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)


Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway.

When I die, I want to go peacefully like my Grandfather did, in his sleep -- not screaming, like the passengers in his car.
(Creepy..)

What you call dog with no legs?
Don't matter what you call him, he ain't gonna come.
( So mean..))

"Flying is learning how to throw yourself at the ground and miss." - Douglas Adams
(Classic)

Constantly choosing the lesser of two evils is still choosing evil. - Jerry Garcia
(interesting really)

Whatever women do they must do twice as well as men to be thought half as good. Luckily, this is not difficult.
(XD!)

Energizer Bunny arrested, charged with battery.
(XDXD!XD!XD!)

I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places. He told me to quit going to those places. - Henny Youngman
(Lmao)


A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.

Worst excuse for not turning in homework: I couldn't find anyone to copy it from.

The only reason people get lost in thought is because it's unfamiliar territory.

Man invented language to satisfy his deep need to complain. Lily Tomlin

If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?



And I leave you for now with this one. Its not the quote that's amusing..its the person who said it:

I have opinions of my own -- strong opinions -- but I don't always agree with them. - George Bush

"Maritial sex for men is like ordering a civil war chess set through the mail: you get one piece every four to six weeks, you don't know what shape that piece is gonna be in when you get it, but you still gotta pay the handling charges" -Bill Engvall

(Lotsa ppl dont like him cause he's all rude-ish... I do like him for the same reason. XD)

If life gives you lemons... you throw them back and tell life to make it's own god-damned lemonade.

XD@ Lemonade one

"Do not panic... *rezes shatload of dangerous weapons* you will all die."